Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Two poems

These are two poems of mine that I like:

The Bell (haiku poem)

tick tock time crawls by
sighs of boredom, nodding heads
ring ring we are free!


Young Love (metaphor poem)

I thought it would last
It felt never ending, didn't it?
Freedom, Happiness, Comfort, and Warmth
but it breaks, doesn't it?
The leaves turn and the wind chills
and summer ends, like my heart breaks
soon as you came, soon as we parted
our young love shattered, didn't it?
the promises made and the time on our hands
fleeting and gone like a shooting star
just as is summer, too good to last
we had something great, remember, wasn't it?
it's hard to believe life can be so cruel
young love is a false and lulling security
soon as it started, its pulled away
because things, they got in the way, didn't they?
now we try and we struggle, desperate to hold on
to the best days of our lives, fulfilling and sweet
forces stronger than us, they broke us
we thought it would last
It felt never ending, didn't it?

3 comments:

True said...

one thought i had while reading was the significance of the capitalization of Freedom, Comfort, Happiness and Warmth. In a kind of way, it is personification because, in proper grammar, one would capitalize a proper noun's name, thus, capitalizing these 4 means that they have some important characteristics.
Additionally, the allusion to the fall season also fits well with the emotional sense of the poem. One last device that adds to the poem is the reapeated use of the contractions "didn't it" or "doesn't they", which then makes an effect of relating all the ideas in the poem together.

David R said...

This is a great poem. I really like how the emotions are brought out with the nice imagery. Also I really like how you started out with "I thought it would never last" and ended with "we thought it would never last". Nice job.

Grace said...

I really enjoyed reading this poem. I loved how the end and the beginning were the same phrases. You did such a great job of conveying emotions, I could really understand how the person felt by the way you were describing the feelings. Really great job!